21st of October

Today was just like any other day.  Drove to work, drove back.  Took a nap, went to the lake, ate dinner at home.  A lot of peace and quiet, which is what I've been immersing myself in lately.  I think I'm supposed to write some long, reflective post on the past year and what I learned from it.  Haha.  I thought about making a list of twenty-two things I've learned, but that seems a bit lengthy and my medicine's starting to kick in.  So I thought I'd just write about whatever came to mind.

Last year was so...hard.  I didn't think I'd make it through.  Didn't want to at one point.  It's scary, how easy it is to hide, to pretend that everything is going okay when you're falling apart inside.  One day at work, I felt so overwhelmed with everything that I started this blog as a place to privately store all my thoughts.  I hadn't written in so long, I barely remembered what it felt like.

Reading my old posts brings me back to the thoughts and struggles I went through as I sat and tried to write.  I couldn't really because the walls were still there.  But in the course of the year, so much happened.  This was the year I cracked, the year the Lord put me back together.  This year, He changed my heart.  This year, I could say that I was not ashamed anymore.  I stopped searching, and found my purpose.  I can now give a reason for the hope that I have.

A lot of people ask me how it is living back home, especially with my parents haha.  Truth be said, it's difficult at times.  Some days I wonder how long I'm going to be here.  One year?  Five?  Don't get me wrong, they're the best parents I could ask for.  It's just that often I wonder when the next chapter of my life is going to start, the one dearest to my heart.

Forgive me friends, if I didn't respond to your texts or voicemails today.  I did read and listen to everyone's messages!  It's just that this year was the first I spent time with the Lord, to re-think, praise, and dedicate this next one for Him.  But know that I am blessed by and thankful for each one of you!  Thanks for the love :)

K one more thing before I sleep.

My mom writes a card every year for my birthday.  They always make me tear up a bit, but this year I just about burst into tears when I read the last few lines.  Thank you Mom, for your encouragement.  For being spot on, as stubborn and unyielding as I am.

She ended with this:

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Make a list of your dreams and hopes - 
lift them up in prayer to the Lord 
and see what He will do.  

New beginnings, new heights.

Love Always,
Mom and Dad