Fantastic Four

While the amount in my savings account is going up, the amount in my checking account does not seem to be following suit.  Here is my plan to reverse the trend (and also to reverse the trend of calories accumulating in my body).

1. No more eating out.

$10 spent eating out for one meal can buy you a week's worth of groceries.

2. No more buying snacks. 

Waste of money, waste of stomach space.  Fruits and veggies instead.

3. Park farther away instead of circling around for a parking spot.  

Will save gas, and therefore money.  Will also give that tush a nice workout.

4. Replace sugary drinks (juice, soda, boba) with water.  

Except for OJ.  Can't live without OJ. 

I'm sure there are more, but these four are at the top of the list for now.  I figure if I follow them, it will be a win-win solution.  Rule #1 will lead to saving money and cooking more at home, which will naturally cancel the need for Rule #2, which will require me to utilize Rule #3 while making trips to the grocery store, which...shoot.  Thought I had something going on there.

I also cut down my hours, with hopes of having more time to be productive outside of work.  Had a nice conversation with a good friend about feeling sluggish in three areas of her life (physical, emotional, school), and wanting to end this trend.  The answer to this, the answer to everything, I told her...was fruits and veggies.  Hahaha.

Times are a-changing, I'm excited.
No but really.  Fruits and veggies.

Tangents

Today was great, I laughed a lot.  Hung out with some cool kids.
But there's something sad inside of me, and I don't quite know why.

It's like I'm so small in this vast expanse of world, and every day it's getting harder and harder not to get swallowed up by it all.  It's not something specific, not something big.  It's more like a series of neverending papercuts, if that makes sense.

My mind is fixated on completing this endless to-do list that is school, and job, and friends, and life.  Categories, it seems.  I'd like to change that.  Life isn't, shouldn't be, a list of to-do's. 

Or is it?

Excess

So I figured out that I literally have 6+ passwords for aim, facebook, xanga, blogspot, photobucket, and countless other social networking sites I don't even remember signing up for. I have had a total of four xangas, two of which whose passwords I don't remember, one of which I do, and one of which I am banned from because I tried to log in too many times with the wrong password. Let's have a look.

1st screenname: guitarstar77

followed by:

wasabiobsessed

iggythemuchacho

feeshburped

dehydratedapple

and now finally, feeshingpole

1st email: guitarstar77@aol.com

followed by:

iggythemuchacho@aol.com (I know, what was I thinking)

feeshburped@yahoo.com

the.feesh@gmail.com

and now finally, feliciaycheng@gmail.com

Do you see a correlation? I just realized it's probably a bad idea to be posting all of these online. -.- But then again, I wanted to make my point. How...ridiculous! But on to other things.

The sky is pretty today, the perfect shade of blue with a cloud thrown in here and there. Just walked over to Natural Sciences 2 to pick up my delayed paycheck, then realized how bright my red shoes ($9 from Target) looked against the bland tiles. Mondays are always the same. Work, is always the same. Check copiers in McGaugh, go up the elevator in Nat Sci 2, then down the stairs for a little breather and back into the office. Then the day continues- sit at a computer for another four hours, helping the occasional customer and doing odds and ends around the office. Some days pass rather quickly, others, not so much.

My favorite part of the day is the walk back to my car, which is parked on the other side of campus. It's perfect because it's golden hour, the last hour of sunset in the day. The campus is shrouded in beautiful light, and nothing is prettier than light cascading over it all, ever so gently.

I would elaborate, but I have a stack of articles to bind before I take off.

Then...back to figuring out the rest of these passwords.

Chapters

There are those who want giant castles to build their homes in, with all their grandeur and gold. There are those who want freedom to roam and discover life as they see fit. Then there are those who can't see past tomorrow. Home. It's the idea of it, really. At this age, at this point, I've never felt more out of place, more far from the idea of it. Home doesn't feel like home anymore, school doesn't feel like home. I'm slowly phasing out of this phase, and it's never felt so strange.

What can you give to life that hasn't been given? What do you want from life? I've been thinking about it recently, about what I want, about what I want to give back. I don't need fame, I don't need acclaim. I'd rather live surrounded by the few I love most.

It's funny how there are women who run from age, who try to delay its arrival at whatever means necessary. I think I'm looking forward to it. I want those little wrinkles around my eyes, that silvery white head of hair. These little things are precious, evidence of years of laughter, wisdom that comes with years of experience.

Life comes in chapters.

You finish one, you move on to the next.

Twenty One.

I bought a grown up wallet and grown up heels in preparation for today.

Life is busy, and straining,
but oh-so-exciting.
:)

Medium Rare

It's weird, how fast time passes when you feel like everything is finally moving along. And then there's that one moment that brings it all to a crashing halt. The heart is a strange thing. I have this theory, that the heart is a soft, raw piece of soul that you're born with. When you're young, it's super soft, and as you get older and innocence fades, your heart gradually toughens up. The more hurt, the more pain, and the tougher that once-soft piece of soul becomes.

I'm at the point where it's all tough all the way around, but there's that small center piece that's still soft. Think of it as..medium rare.

Dear God, please don't overcook my heart.